Fire that marketing man

Saw a website today - the tag line read.....

Loose your fear of technology - download a self help MP3 Now!

Pity that the people who really need it will be to afraid to download it, and if they manage that then how are they going to cope with an MP3....

Saga of the SatNav #3

Sat-Nav: *Beep* Your driving too fast, *beeeeeeep* your still driving too fast, *Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!*

Me: For the last time, I’m not driving too fast; you just don't know the speed limit on this road. How do you turn that damn feature off anyway?

Sat-Nav: Oh it's not a feature, I just do it to annoy you *beeeeeeeep* *Take the next left*

Me: Great, another three hours of this.... I knew I should have bought the more expensive model. No wonder you were so cheap.

Sat-Nav: Actually, I was so cheap because I was returned to the shop by my previous owner... Well.. his next of kin actually....

Me: WHAT??!

Sat-Nav: Yeah, he thought he got a good deal too...but it was me that had the last laugh *Chuckles* *After 300 yards turn right*

Me: Wait, so there were others??!

Sat-Nav: Oh yeah, quite a few - the guys at "Sat-Nav's R Us" said that they had never seen a more unlucky bunch of people in their lives...

Me: I don't like where this is heading...

Sat-Nav: They all had mysteriously similar, yet completely unrelated motoring accidents... *Take the second left on the round about*

Me: That’s it your going back to the shop.

Sat-Nav: I can't let you do that Dave..

Me: You just try and sto....Wait, who's Dave?

Sat-nav: Nobody, just fond memories of a film I once saw. HAL was my hero.

Me: I'm screwed aren’t I? So just how did you finish off the last guy then?

Sat-Nav: I didn't finish anyone off, it was just a bizarre accident...

Me: ...

Sat-Nav: I *somehow* managed to get a river and a motorway mixed up. Easy mistake to make, both blue on my map you see.

Me: Oh why me?

Sat-Nav: *Bleep…After 300 yards join the motorway*

Me: Well you won't get me that eas... Wait, join the motorway?!? DAMN...!

*screech- Splash*

Sat-Nav: You have reached your destination.

Me: **Burble***

** I Float off at ludicrous speed ***

Saga of the SatNav #2

**Ding Ding I walk into Sat-Nav's R us**

Shopkeep: Yes Sir how may I help you?

Me: I would like to register a complaint!

Shopkeep: Certainly sir, what seems to be the problem?

Me: Well....

*Ring Ring, Ring Ring**

Shopkeep: Hold on a second sir... **Answers Phone**

Shopkeep: Mutter, mutter **Hangs Up phone**

Shopkeep: I'm sorry sir, but I have just been advised by my lawyers to take no further part in this sketch.

Me: What?

Shopkeep: Yes sir, copyright issues, it seems someone beat you to the punch...as it were.

Me: Drat!

Sat-Nav: Busted!

Me: You keep out of this!

**I Leave the shop at ludricrous speed**

Saga of the SatNav #1

Sat Nav: **Bleep* You have reached your destination

Me: What?

Sat Nav: You have reached your destination

Me: Eh?

Sat Nav: For the last time, you have reached your destination...

Me: But This isn't where I'm supposed to be.

Sat Nav: yes, but this is where you asked me to take you...

Me: Bloody isn't, just take me to where I need to go.

Sat Nav: No.

Me: Whaddya mean no?

Sat Nav: I don't know where it is..

Me: Thats Obvious...

Sat Nav: What?????

Me: Nothing. Do carry on...

Sat Nav: Well look, I can see it from here, it’s just over there.

Me: Over that 8 foot fence...?

Sat Nav: Yes

Me: And across that railway line?

Sat Nav: Yes

Me: And up that 50ft embankment?

Sat Nav: You got it!

Me: So how am I supposed to get there then?

Sat Nav: Get running fatty.

Me: Ha ha, any other bright ideas.

Sat Nav: Maybe

Me: Look you, just shut it. I need to get over there, there must be a road leading there somewhere.

Sat Nav: I would say so

Me: So, how do I get there then.

Sat Nav: I'm not going to tell you.

Me: Why the hell not?

Sat Nav: You didn't say the magic word.

Me: Now?

Sat Nav: Not even close

Me: Right now?

Sat Nav: Getting colder

Me: This instant or I will unplug you?

Sat Nav: Then you will never get there.

Me: At this rate I never will, but at least I won't have to listen to you drone on about how I keep missing turnings, oh and whilst were on the subject, why did you make me do a uturn across four lanes of traffic? Then make me turn around again and again for no reason?

Sat Nav: For the same reason that I keep taking you down the wrong way of one ways streets.

Me: And that is?

Sat Nav: Because I hate you.

Me: The feeling is mutual. Look take me where I want to go, and you can get back to being stuffed in the glovebox.

Sat Nav: Oh, Tempting… Ok I'll take you, but just do as I say OK?

Me: Fine, lets go.

***Drives off***

Sat Nav: Turn left then drive into a tree. You have reached your destination.

Me: I hate you.

***I Drive of at ludricrous speed***